Darkest Before Dawn » db4dRant

Free Spirit Parent Bingo

Kev — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 12:00:20 +0000

Free Spirit Parent Bingo can be played in any coffee shop or café, especially one attached to a cultural venue like a theatre or a museum. It can be played by any number if people simply adjust the rules or have teams. You will also need a number of “free spirited” parents. Here are the rules for the basic two player game.

Most children’s names fall into the easily agreed groups of “plain” & “theatrical” .
In Scotland the “plain” group would be names like “Jack, Ross, Jane, Mary”.
“theatrical” names would be “August, Ophelia, Jagger, Ford”. Also any child named using the Beckham’s “place of conception” naming convention, like “Tent in the Campsies on a wet May Bank holiday”

Scoring.

When a name from your group is called out for bad behaviour score 1 point.

If the name is called due to making another child cry score 2 points.

If a parent has to leave their seat score 3 points.

If the parent physically chastises the child score 4 points.

If the parent then goes into a shame spiral & bribes the child with a previously denied fizzy drink score 5 points.

If the parent uses the phrase “I am not brining you here again” score 6 points & start with a bonus 2 points when they are there next week.

Behaviour that results in staff intervention is “Bingo” and the game is over. However don’t shout this out for your own safety.

The person with the highest score when you leave wins.

Posted in db4dRant

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

Kev — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 19:44:07 +0000

I have heard “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” several times already this month and who knows how many times I have heard it throughout my life.

Yet it was only the other day that it suddenly struck me, the other reindeer, what a shower of bastards!

First they pick on poor Rudolph for his deformity, then they change their tune because he gains the patronage of a North Pole Celebrity! The other reindeer are shallow bigots who are only really fit to become reindeer burgers.

While I’m on a Christmas song rant, the kids who think Snowmen come to life and talk to them, what the hell are they on and where can I buy some?

Posted in db4dRant Tagged: Christmas, Rant, reindeer, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, snowmen

Five things

Kev — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 23:26:44 +0000

Rain should be day-glo yellow.
More animals should have trunks.
The Universe wasn’t created by intelligent design. It was created by Norman a fifth year High School student during a failed chemistry experiment. Norman ended up cutting off his thumbs while trying to “Soop-up” a mini-fan.
Wouldn’t it be a lot greener just to go back to horse drawn buggies?
If we are so advanced these days who come we can’t put someone on the moon?

Duck and Cover

Kev — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 17:11:06 +0000

I’m pissed off today so time for a rant!

“cache” is pronounced ‘kash’ and “cachet is pronounced ‘kashay’ they are not the same word and are not interchangeable.

“clique is pronounced ‘kleek’ not ‘click’. If you object to French words in the English language can I suggest you invent a time machine and set the time and location for 14th of October 1066, Senlac Hill, Hastings, East Sussex, England and take your chances.

I don’t ever want to answer questions about the Superstore. If you want to improve my “shopping experience” quit moving stuff around every three months, I am a creature of habit and keep the stock cubes by the herbs and spices and not on some shelf above a freezer.

If you honestly believe that “Enoch was right” please fuck off out the country we have a queue of more enlightened people waiting to get in.

How come web browsers still can’t block “pop unders”?

Why do cereal adverts now have women talking about their children in the same way they used to talk about their cats?

I have just formed ‘Ghosts Equity’ a union for all Spirits appearing on the Paranormal channel and related programming, we will be seeking repeat fees.

Ah I fell better now

This must stop

Kev — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 15:51:07 +0000

It has been going on for far too long now and it must be stopped. There seems to be a blind spot that is missed constantly and no one seems to care. It is not as if it hasn’t been discussed but there is never any action on this matter and the suffering just goes on and on. If it takes a committee or even community action to stop it then these actions must be undertaken before it is too late. Some may suggest that the time to act has already passed and that all we can to is accept the “Status Quo” but apathy is acceptance and we must fight back. Government as usual seem deaf to the pleas about these happenings and possibly encourages it for their own ends.

Something must be done to stop this, more information here